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  • Arielle Granston

Coronavirus food reviews


**Disclaimer: Reviewer was forced to consume the leftovers before allowed dessert, so review may be biased.


Everybody hates leftovers. That’s a fact. The word alone conjures up childhood memories of freezer burn and microwaved rubber.


Which prompts a question: why would someone in their right mind suggest a “romantic” meal of leftover Chicken Pad Thai, otherwise known as the spaghetti and meatballs of Asain cuisine?


Now, I have nothing against the meal itself. In fact, a well prepared Chicken Pad Thai would even be an option worth dwelling over on death row; however, after undergoing multiple counts of resuscitation by electromagnetic waves, it begins to lose its appeal.


The now slimy scallions slide around the soggy mess, threatening to morph into squirmy little bugs determined to pick at each and every taste bud, and the week-old bean sprouts have about as much texture as a worm sliding down your throat.


Any hint of previous spice is overwhelmed by the telltale taste of microwave radiation — even the peanuts wish they were still in a jar.


The mixture of gooey noodles with chicken that could now be a very effective form of cardboard, does not make for an appetizing meal. Not to mention, it looks like something you’d yell at your cat for bringing into the house.


Served on a cracked plate with a crumpled up napkin, the meal most certainly does not scream “instagram worthy”— nevermind that the subtle undertones of grit suggest that the dishwasher isn’t fully working.


Mixed with the lovely acoustics of construction across the street, and the blaring sound of yet another reporter commenting on yet another mistake from the White House, it is safe to say that this is not an experience that will be repeated again — unless enticed with dessert.


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